Why won’t my MacBook Pro charge and turn on

A common issue is a dead battery given the age of this system. On the side is a power meter (well hidden) what does it tell you are any of the tiny ten Green LEDs lighting? Are they blinking or steady as you hold the button?

What does the MagSafe charger LED telling you? Is it Amber, Green or not lit at all?

Does the systems fans start up, do you heard the bong, does the Caps Lock LED lit when pressed on??