Sounds to me like you've got two problems.
For the first, I recommend visiting your local department store and picking up some adult sized diapers. This will help you avoid similar mistakes in the future.
For the second, I've got good news and bad news.
The good news is you still have a chance to save your phone.
Use the following iFixit guides to disassemble your phone:
iPhone 4 CDMA Repair
And then use this guide to repair any possible water damage (if you were as drunk as I imagine you must have been it'll have been pretty close to water anyway):
Repairing iPhone Liquid Damage
The bad news is, even with this process, your phone might not have survived its cruel and unusual ordeal. At that point the best thing you can do is reassemble the phone, cross your fingers, turn it on, and hope it comes back to life.
Best of luck.