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Edit by Andrew Optimus Goldheart

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[* black] We have reached the battery. This Surface is packing a 42.2 Wh, 7.6 V, lithium ion [http://www.nbcnews.com/id/41916084/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets/t/why-batteries-die/#.U6XqaBZ6BG5|time bomb|new_window=true].
-[* black] All batteries die, making battery replacement a necessary repair for any device. Before we take a stab at disarming the bomb, we read all the warnings that we plan to ignore.
+[* black] All batteries die, making battery replacement a necessary repair for any device. Before we take a stab at disarming the bomb, we read all the warnings that we plan to ignore, including the very clear instruction that we are ***not to replace this battery***. Well isn't that just [http://i.imgur.com/VZe0dL5.jpg|swell].
[* black] At first pry, we notice lots of resistance, leaving us with the feeling there's a~~n off-chance~~ high likelihood we'll destroy this battery during removal—which makes us as nervous as the wicked witch around a bucket of water (that she has to pry open).
[* black] Time to get our pry on *insert high-brow joke about [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prion|prions|new_window=true]*

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