Battery won't charge, magsafe stays green, can't SMC reset

My battery will not charge. Here's a series of events in my fabled attempt to solve this problem:

My MB Pro stopped charging my battery. The charger would not turn orange OR green and there was no charging icon on the dash. When the battery died, that was it, and I couldn't power it back on.

• I tested the charger with another MB to confirm that wasn't the issue.
• I tried to do an SMC reset, but that did nothing
• I purchased a used but "working" DC Power Jack
• I painstakingly removed the logic board and installed the Power Jack
• I plugged in the charger and now it lights green, but I couldn't start it
• I replaced the battery.
• It powered up, but now when I plug it in, the magsafe stays green, the charging icon appears, BUT the battery slowly dies and it states that the battery is not charging.

So here I am... an otherwise perfectly functional MB Pro and I can't figure out why it won't charge. I can't believe that I'm unable to reset the SMC, and I can see that there's an update to SMC 1.7 firmware which will not install.

What are my options? I'm not going to replace my logic board. Is there a component on the board that needs replacing? Is there a way to power the MB Pro without it charging once the battery dies or will it become a brick again?