We’ve known for a while that the carriers know where you are at all times—and could be sharing your every move with Cupertino. Recent reports indicate that Apple and their confederates know far more about what you’re doing with your phone than previously thought. What if Apple finds out that you liberated your phone?

You’re risking the vitality of your phone every minute that passes without the safe, secure Pentalobe screws in place. Don’t jeopardize such a beautiful creation with your negligence and ignorance. Buy the Pentalobe Oppression Kit today — if you swap your screws back fast enough, your family will still be there when you get home to thank you!

To ensure 100% maximum protection, we’re selling these Pentalobe screws as part of a kit — the iPhone 4 Oppression Kit. You get everything you need to lock down your phone from prying hands:

• Two Pentalobe screws to replace the the Apple-fretting Phillips screws you unlocked your phone with.
• Two screwdrivers for the task: a Phillips driver for the old screws, and a Pentalobe driver for the new screws.
• iPhone 4 Oppression Kit card, which you should keep in your wallet as a faithful card-carrying member. As an added bonus, the card is a more Apple-approved color: white. Designed by iFixit in California.

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